Shy and afraid

Hi everyone. How’s your weekend? Today is the 11^th day of 2014 so I think it’s not too late for me to wish you guys HAPPY NEW YEAR!

 Of course, when it comes to a new start everyone has their own resolutions. I wanted to blog about my new resolutions too but we all know that sooner or later they will be thrown out from the windows.  But I’m not saying you can’t have your resolutions but consistence is the key which of course it’s not easy to be done.  

As I look through my 2013, it was pretty awesome for me. I wanted to list one by one of them but I’ll bore you guys.  But last week I realized that 2013 had taught me one of the most important things in life.  

Some might don’t know that I was really-really a shy person and afraid. Blame it on my old lifestyle but as I grow older, it gets better but I’m still afraid when I go to new place, new zone or new person that I just randomly meet.

It happened when I went to a shop and wanted to ask about how I can use my membership card somewhere else. But I was too afraid that I will embarrass myself in front bunch people that will think I was such a lame person. So I ended up just “never mind I’ll google it at home” and then I forgot about it.

It happened again and again whenever I went to a new zone. Like in a hotel when I wanted to drink cappuccino but I didn’t know how to use the machine and there were like 7-8 person standing nearby there enjoying the morning coffee drink.  And again I failed myself by saying “never mind” instead of just ask one of them how I can use the machine. 

I went home and I was frustrated with myself. Later I got a job and many foreigners from Australia, USA, Indonesia, Yemen and more work there too. They are very friendly and whenever we were in the same lift they will ask “how are you, how’s your day” and such. And one thing I realized was they are not afraid to ask question even though it’s the silliest question ever. It’s a new place, new zone, new people but they are not afraid to smile and ask me any random questions.

And now I can proudly say that I’m not the old me anymore. Whenever  I feel afraid and shy I keep telling myself that to always speak my mind, be confident, don’t afraid to be wrong because everyone did it also and they can think whatever they want because I’m helping myself to be better me.

Thank you for reading. XOXO.

My 2013 so far

        I know it's too early for me to say that I think this year is a lot better than last year. But my 2013 so far has been very good. Of course I've been through lots of ups and downs. I'm a person who doesn't cry when I feel sad or things don't go right or not the way I've expected. But this year , I did cried a couple of times due to frustrations. BUT it didn't weaken me. Everyone has their own problems in their lives but it's the way they handle the situations make them who they are today. I've decided to list down my ups and downs to see how far I've come and for my inspirational and others too.

Downs

Failed my test
I'd studied hard for my exams and tests this year because I wanted it to be the last and the best for me. I was stressed when I didn't manage to understand what I'd studied . Trust me , when you're trying to do the best of the things you're not interested into was very2 hard. I didn't had much friends to ask about my papers because I'm staying with mama. I only depended on what's app , BBM , Twitter and facebook to ask things I didn't understand. And when the result came out , I failed one out of three papers . I was so upset and cried and didn't understand why it happened to me because I worked so hard for it.

SUKMA
Volleyball is always gonna be my favourite sport to play. However , when I was in lower school I got chosen to play for Kelantan but my grandpa didn't allow me to play because he only believed girl with sport was just not working. He said sports were only for boys to play. He didn't know I had worked so hard to be chosen to become a state player and I had to decline just like that just because he said girls couldn't play sports. Later , I got to play for Terengganu and the match would be held in Sarawak. I'd already got the ticket but the answer was still no. Then I grew up and finally can made my decision but I had to miss SUKMA because I needed to go back to my hometown for a visit to my grandparents. I don't know what else to describe my feeling at that time but I believe everything happens for a reason. So I moved on.

Know the true colours 
This one did changed my aspect of life. I really didn't expect my bestfriend who I trusted the most , who I really cared about , who I was so happy to be friend with is a back stabber. Later I knew , she talked bad things about me and most of them weren't true. When I said bad , it was really2 bad. After these years , she was actually didn't want me to be friend with her because she said that I told lots of lies just to look cool among our friends. Why didn't she just tell me she doesn't like me instead of being nice to me? That's it. Goodbye to a person who used to be so close to me.

Ups

Birthday gift
I never thought my birthday would be celebrated by mama and sisters. They bought me a cake and a meaningful gift. Last time I got a birthday cake from them was in my 18th birthday. Lol. Seriously guys , I always woke up on my birthday hoping something would happened but well nothing happened. BUT this year was different! Thank you mama , Cella and Nina!

Manage to pass
Like what I'd told earlier , I failed one of my tests. So I registered it again. To be honest , I didn't trust myself anymore. I was so upset to study back with little time. But I did it anyway because I just couldn't give up easily. This was when mama and boyfriend and friends had become so supportive and understanding. The best part was when my boyfriend bought me ice-cream when I was so stressed with my study. It was so sweet. And then , the result came out and I PASSED it ! Wohoo! I was so happy and almost dancing in my room. Alhamdulillah and thank you mama and Ejam and friends for everything! I really appreciate what you had done to me through my hard times.

SUKOB
Finally , I managed to play volleyball for my college for the last time. I didn't thought it would be so much fun and we'd won. It was hard at first because our teamwork was a disaster. Maybe due to age difference made it harder to achieve. And then , we discussed about it and puff ( I know it sounds weird) we became like best friends and with great teamwork made it easier for us to win. We managed to prove we are the best and can't be underestimated by others.

New friends
Later I get so many friends from volleyball team both girls and boys. And unexpected friends who really2 helped me through my hardship. Even though most of them are boys but they were really2 supportive and still are. I am so lucky to be blessed by good and caring friends. Thank you !

Unexpected gifts
I really didn't see it coming. I thought it was a joke. But he didn't! He bought me a new phone because I was always complaining about my BB. Actually my Blackberry doesn't always troubles me much but yeah. But I didn't ask a new one. Trust me lol. Thank you so much for the gift and also for buying the handbag. Seriously, you've spoiled me. Haha Oh well.

Relationship 
Since I've spent so much time at grandma's , I became close with my Acik Ayu (aunty) and Acik Wan (uncle). We always do late night chat until morning about random things. Sometimes , we watch home movies together while eating kuaci (sunflower seed). And play badminton every evening and laughing about how "professional" we are in badminton. The best part is grandma is doing well with her better sight after surgery and is recovering. Relationship with my boyfriend is getting better even though we had a fight recently about stupid things but hey it got better and better. I'm just lucky!

Kelantan
I visited my grandparents on my father's side. It didn't turn out good because grandpa always grumpy and overprotective. He still treats me like I'm still a little girl. But grandma surprised me.She had changed a lot. I mean in a good way. She cooked pulut ayam for me because that is my favourite food. She also had given me a little gift before I headed back to KL which I can't mention here because it's too private. Thank you thank you so much Tok Ayah and Nenek. I love you so much !

Thank you so much for reading!

Take a moment

Let's take a moment and appreciate when suddenly things go wrong. There's a saying " If no ups and downs in your life , that's mean you're dead ". Sometimes , all we have to do is just stop and step back to realize what's happening around us. Don't make "one thing" becomes "your everything'. Appreciate those people who always have your back. I'm thankful to have god , mama , sister , boyfriend and supportive friends. No matter how many you've tried , how many times you fell sometimes there's "no give up" in life.. ~

Cornfield

Silence

Traffic

Playground

p/s Those pictures ain't mine ~

Solution

I got lotz of problems..but i admit it..i dun think even 1 of 'em..so peeps out there thought i dun have any probs..yup...even if i think bout it i won't find any solution..then the best way is just fllow the flow..but i think this sem is the worst..bcuz i'm not intrested in stdyin' anymore...but i still want it..i dunno...yeah..i'm in "lazy" mood..luv!

Diary

YES! It's great when ur grandpa have done reading all ur diary..what a big shame!!! i swear i won't come back 2 Kelantan bcuz he's read my diary..argh!!...tanx 4 being 2 concern bout me anyway even u have 2 read my diary..great..lucky me he'd burnt it anyway...fuh!