Lost

Yesterday I met my old friend from MRSM. It was a fun hang out with her. She looked different from the last time we met which was a few years ago. We talked about ourselves a lot. We talked about our other old friends too which were majorly married. Then she talked about her goals. Then it suddenly hit me. I have no goals.

I only want happiness in mind but that's not real goal. I mean, where I want to be in the next five years? I have no plan. She said she wanted to marry a loving husband in two years time but me? I have no plan to get married anytime soon and also in coming few years too. 

She told me she could not wait to finish her final project so that she could focus on her career because she knew what she wanted to become. How bout me? I don't know what I want to become. I don't know if becoming a lecture is what I really ever wanted. I've tried, trust me to find myself but I'm still lost. All I know I'm living in a cruel world where I don't know if I ever been accepted to find my place.

I'm so frustrated with myself. Suddenly I feel like I'm a shame for a person who always love me. Sorry for I have nothing for you to be proud of. I was before but not anymore. What happen to a girl who always know what she is doing?  I really really don't know. 

I am sorry.